The Thing About Losing a Child....

Things change when you lose a child. Not only have you experienced the most horrible heart wrenching pain that you have ever felt in your life, you have to endure the thought of living without your child for the rest of your life afterwards. In the seven and a half years that I have had to live with this , I have gained strength from many things. I have also witnessed many things from those that have not lost a child. I will speak from my personal perspective on these things:

STRENGTH:
No matter how hard the days can be; just being able to continue to exist takes courage, and strength. It didn't happen overnight for me and at times with some things, I wonder daily if I have developed any strength at all.
When it comes to dealing with people who have never lost a child; I have had people say some of the dumbest ,most judgmental, and hurtful things to me.  For most of those that I have dealt with; whenever the story of my child comes up, and the fact of her dying... everyone is a therapist. The majority wants to question my spirituality,state of mind,and actions. never once thinking that maybe...they should think before they speak. I have had backlash from many: family, pastors, and general public... simply because what they have fabricated in their minds as to describe what I must be going through isn't bad enough for me to act in the manner that I am.
For those that have done these things, all I can do is see the ignorance in their actions and TRY to the best of my ability to forgive them, for they know not what they do. They do not realize the trauma that they induce: in some cases, for years to come.

PERSONALITY
I have changed since that day.
The things that most people stress over: cars, money, relationships; don't have the same importance to me. It's something about losing someone in the blink of an eye that has changed my perspective. Materialistic items aren't that important for me any more.

I have also noticed that I am very serious. I take every thing seriously, and unless something is blatantly presented, sometimes I can't decipher if someone is playing.
I also have zero tolerance for confrontational people. Why?
I guess its because I just don't have time for BS anymore. I refuse to waste my time.

NOTHING IS NORMAL:
Everyday I think about and miss my daughter, throughout the day she is in my mind. Death does not stop the love that is there, nor does it stop the fact that I am still her mother. So that means that everywhere I go she is with me. At work, at the grocery store, in the car my daughter is carried in my heart, in my mind, in my memories. Everyday I think about the fact that she is in a grave. Everyday I think about the fact of how unfair it is. And yes it does get hard sometimes. There are certain things about her that if I am exposed to them they can bring me immediately to tears: songs, restaurants, stores, foods, toys, movies... they can all destroy what was once a good day and make it instantly bittersweet.

SO WHAT IS THE POINT OF THIS?
I am posting for those like me. I want them to know that they are not the only one, and there is nothing wrong with the way that they are feeling. BUT for those of you with your jaded advice that have never experienced this...REGARDLESS of how many books you have read, REGARDLESS of your titles...stop trying to set time limits with people who have lost a child. It's different than losing any other family member. Stop telling people to  "Let it go": That piece of advice only works for Elsa in "Frozen". if you want to be any help, LISTEN.

The best things that helped me was talking to other bereaved parents, and friends who NEVER judged. Even when they were terrified for me, they never tried to force me to stop feeling how I was feeling: They were there to cheer me up, reroute my thoughts, reminisce, and just be there.

Peace and Blessings to you all.