In the coming months, I will be going through various literature that I have acquired about being the parent of a deceased child, and I will address and add my own personal experiences. I will do this all to try to help others. If you have any questions or would like my perspective on certain subjects, feel free to leave feedback.

Nurturing Positivity

Finding positive things doesn't happen immediately. Actually it can take quite a while. While dealing with this type of loss you must train yourself to try to think of at least one thing positive a day.  Also, positive memories of your child may help as well.

There is no better medicine  (other than having your child back in your arms) than being able to smile while thinking of your child. A great thing to try is a memory jar. Every thing that you loved about you child , his/her personality, fun times write them down separately on different pieces of paper. Have family and friends help as well. Once the memories have been written down, fold the pieces of paper and put them in a jar. When ever those rough periods of sadness hit. Get the jar out and read some of the comments. Though these memories can be bittersweet memories, they help reroute some of the pain.

Other ways to help with pain is helping others. It is amazing how much better you feel when you turn that pain/anger/anxiety into something positive. There are plenty ways to help others. I have found organizations to help other parents who have lost children, charities in hospitals, as well as helping the sick and elderly. There are causes all over the internet, all over facebook, pinterest, etc. When  I participate in these things, applying not just work/ labor but putting my heart into what I do, it brings a warmth and healing. You also meet amazing people in the process and hey may also offer healing and perspective as well. (That's the extra bonus!)

Yes, there are still days where these things may not help, and that's okay too. Be gentle with yourself. There are no expectations. But with time things will get better...

Peace and blessings to you all!

The Thing About Losing a Child....

Things change when you lose a child. Not only have you experienced the most horrible heart wrenching pain that you have ever felt in your life, you have to endure the thought of living without your child for the rest of your life afterwards. In the seven and a half years that I have had to live with this , I have gained strength from many things. I have also witnessed many things from those that have not lost a child. I will speak from my personal perspective on these things:

STRENGTH:
No matter how hard the days can be; just being able to continue to exist takes courage, and strength. It didn't happen overnight for me and at times with some things, I wonder daily if I have developed any strength at all.
When it comes to dealing with people who have never lost a child; I have had people say some of the dumbest ,most judgmental, and hurtful things to me.  For most of those that I have dealt with; whenever the story of my child comes up, and the fact of her dying... everyone is a therapist. The majority wants to question my spirituality,state of mind,and actions. never once thinking that maybe...they should think before they speak. I have had backlash from many: family, pastors, and general public... simply because what they have fabricated in their minds as to describe what I must be going through isn't bad enough for me to act in the manner that I am.
For those that have done these things, all I can do is see the ignorance in their actions and TRY to the best of my ability to forgive them, for they know not what they do. They do not realize the trauma that they induce: in some cases, for years to come.

PERSONALITY
I have changed since that day.
The things that most people stress over: cars, money, relationships; don't have the same importance to me. It's something about losing someone in the blink of an eye that has changed my perspective. Materialistic items aren't that important for me any more.

I have also noticed that I am very serious. I take every thing seriously, and unless something is blatantly presented, sometimes I can't decipher if someone is playing.
I also have zero tolerance for confrontational people. Why?
I guess its because I just don't have time for BS anymore. I refuse to waste my time.

NOTHING IS NORMAL:
Everyday I think about and miss my daughter, throughout the day she is in my mind. Death does not stop the love that is there, nor does it stop the fact that I am still her mother. So that means that everywhere I go she is with me. At work, at the grocery store, in the car my daughter is carried in my heart, in my mind, in my memories. Everyday I think about the fact that she is in a grave. Everyday I think about the fact of how unfair it is. And yes it does get hard sometimes. There are certain things about her that if I am exposed to them they can bring me immediately to tears: songs, restaurants, stores, foods, toys, movies... they can all destroy what was once a good day and make it instantly bittersweet.

SO WHAT IS THE POINT OF THIS?
I am posting for those like me. I want them to know that they are not the only one, and there is nothing wrong with the way that they are feeling. BUT for those of you with your jaded advice that have never experienced this...REGARDLESS of how many books you have read, REGARDLESS of your titles...stop trying to set time limits with people who have lost a child. It's different than losing any other family member. Stop telling people to  "Let it go": That piece of advice only works for Elsa in "Frozen". if you want to be any help, LISTEN.

The best things that helped me was talking to other bereaved parents, and friends who NEVER judged. Even when they were terrified for me, they never tried to force me to stop feeling how I was feeling: They were there to cheer me up, reroute my thoughts, reminisce, and just be there.

Peace and Blessings to you all.

My Mission

Angels In Flight Inc.'s  mission is to  uplift the community, and work towards a greater good. We are tireless in our efforts to find ways to mend broken hearts, and to honor the memories of our children. We welcome those in search of friendship and support now that the unthinkable has happened. 

Our hopes for all members:May our parents find peace.

May our parents experience a night without crying.

May our parents live a day without pain.

May the memories of our angels uplift our spirits.

May all of our angel parents realize that there was nothing more that could be done.

Instead of hurting may our hearts smile by lavishing the love we have  for our angels to others who could truly benefit, even if it is just for a day...

Angels in Flight Inc. welcomes people of all races, creeds, and religions. We do not discriminate. We support everyone, and hopefully will serve as a guiding light.

Angels In Flight Inc.  is growing at a steady pace. With this growth, hopefully we will be able to accomplish more, and have a larger impact upon our community. We welcome you with open arms. 

Welcome

Welcome to the Angels in Flight inc. Blog Page. this page is dedicated to those who have lost a child at any age.This is a site maintained and controlled by the Director of Angels in Inc. My original site/ organization began on April 8, 2008: exactly 5 months, 21 days after I lost my youngest daughter Robynn. This will be the home to my thoughts, and anytime a random thought may strike, anytime I am inspired, any time there is a need period....I will post here. I have a main site for my organization www.angelsinflightinc.com. There you will find information, tips, and just basic knowledge about the grieving process. As with my site, I hope to bring awareness, understanding, friendship, love and an over all sense of comfort here. Thank you for visiting.